Thursday, May 19, 2011

Thursday, 19 May 2011 {back at His feet}

Tonight has been one of those nights.  You may not know what I'm talking about here, if you haven't experienced a moment or night like this, but I bet most of you have. I'll try my best to put it into words.  It's been a hard night, but one of the best.  You know those times where you are really struggling, discouraged, hurt, lonely, or for whatever other reason, you realize just how independent you are and how much that is not the way we are meant to be?  We, as people made in His image, are meant to be solely and completely dependent on Him.  This was a time when I really cried out to Jesus, and meant it with all of my heart when I asked Him to take over. Because there is nothing more important in this world than to be dependent on Him. Nothing.

I am reading A Young Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George.  God has really used it to work on my heart and show me how He--not family, friends, pop culture, school, sleep, even serving--should be more important than He is in my life.  Most of us (or at least me) say "He is #1 in my life!" but do we really, really mean it?  Are those words or actions?  Sometimes I try to fit Jesus into the crooks and crannys that are leftover from my busy schedule:  "Sorry God, I'm hanging out with a friend today, then I have to study, and then my favorite show is on.  Maybe we can talk tomorrow?"  or I get distracted:  "Lord, I want to live for you me who I can show Your love to today..hmm..what should I wear today? Wait and I have a test I forgot about!  Sorry, God, what was I saying?"  Many people, including myself, either fit Him in wherever we can, or we don't truly pray when we try.  There was a time last year, where for probably five months I learned how to really pray.  I spent an hour or two with Jesus each day, and what a difference it made!  Summer came, and so did my inconsistant schedule, and I didn't spend as much time with Him.  And when we don't make an effort, our minds wander, and we forget, and we are busy, and we're human.  Imagine how God feels, though?  Probably like He's not very important to us. 

One of my favorite songs says,  "Oh Christ, be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes, be the center of our lives."  What a perfect illustration of what the cry of my heart is:  that He, and He alone, would be the center of my life.  So today, I commited to working at a more meaningful prayer life and spending more time alone at His feet.  I hope you'll join me, and please, hold me accountable!


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